When I first arrived in America at the age of 14, I wasn't unaware of the differences that different cultures have. Growing up in a middle class family, I was fortunate enough to get a glimpse of an oversea life through my earlier trips to Japan, Singapore, and Thailand. Each with vast differences in its language, history, and culture. I was reasonably confident in my ability to adjust to this new environment as I applied for an American high school in Tennessee. And man, was I proven wrong.
Life in Tennessee differs in a lot of ways even from states in America, but especially so from China: buildings are a lot more spacious and spread out, food comes in much larger portions (almost to the point of being wasteful), and most especially, the hair styles. For those who don't know, East Asian tends to have straight, thick, and dark hair, which are often hard for barbers who are inexperienced with "Asian hair" to cut and style. Luckily, through centuries of practice and innovation, the great barbers of Asia were able to figure out the perfect style for such hair type: the Asian undercut (aka. the stereotypical Asian haircut), which is what I rocked during my first few months of school.
From Popular TV show 'Family Guy'
Noticing the difference in my hair from those around me, and not wanting to be labeled as an odd individual at the school, I resolved to get rid of my so-called "nerdy haircut". Throughout my high school years, I have changed through many different hair styles, ranging from platinum blonde side parts to buzzcut, and eventually, I landed on a style that I am satisfied with. I have found my hair, and it was worth the hassle.
Even though this journey has ended with me finding a cool hair style, a part of me can't help but wonder what led to me starting this journey in the first place. It was not until I've read Americanah that I found the words to describe the start of my journey. Just like Ifemelu, who straightened her hair to appear friendly and professional, I was lacked confidence in my foreign identity and even to some extend ashamed by my differences: I had a thick accent that was different from the relaxed and slowed tone of the South, a closet full of clothes that are not in trend with the Western world, and most noticeably, my dark straight hair that is different from all my white classmates' soft, wavy hair, which made up roughly 90% of my school's hair catalog. My hobby with fashion experimentation started with my self-denial.
From ‘American Born Chinese’ by Gene Luen Yang
Looking back now, I am somewhat infuriated by how "weak-minded" past me was. How I wish that the past me embraced the differences that I had instead of hiding them. How I wish I would have came up with some brilliant comeback when people made fun of my hair. I have gotten lucky that this pursuit eventually developed into an interest that relieved me of boredom and provided me with a platform of self-expression, instead of denial and shame. I am not confident that my luck will continue to be on my side next time I encounter something like this, but at least, I've learned to wear my hair proudly.
PS: Here's a picture of me doing the exact same thing as Gene Luen Yang's cartoon character (getting a perm).
